i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
