Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
