i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
