Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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