Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
