She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
