Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
