So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
