that's an acceptable place to lick
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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