i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
