so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
