I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
