I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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