I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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