hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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