I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
