You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize