her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
