the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
