she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
