the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
