Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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