"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
