Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
