My sheets look like a crime scene.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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