Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
