can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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