who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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