Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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