Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
