he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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