yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
