barbara walters just said penis...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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