Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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