recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
