dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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