are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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