shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
