I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
