So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
