you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
