I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He shit in the fireplace
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
