We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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