a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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