im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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