i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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