thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
