Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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