im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
