you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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