So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Are we still banned from the library?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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