You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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