I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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