you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
