when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
