its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
