Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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