gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
