your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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