im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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