Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
