I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
