that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize