I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
