the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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