somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hippo gnu deer
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
