They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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