My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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