i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
