I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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