I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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