I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
