He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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