**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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