Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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