Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
