I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
