I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
