enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
