for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
