All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
