Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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