whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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