Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
