you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
