That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
