Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
