Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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