They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
look no pants
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
