It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
