nut hugger
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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