you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
