great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
