I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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