She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
