its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
