My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
