That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
