I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize