he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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