Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
bring money and cleavage
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
