i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
