I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
