Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
