you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
