On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
third nipple confirmed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
how does that bad decision feel?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
