i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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