it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
