my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
