Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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