i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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